The greatest gift you can give your loved ones is to

discuss your wishes with them in advance.

RECOMMENDED DOCUMENTS

During the final months and weeks of life, there are a few forms that are helpful to complete prior to end of life. These forms can designate a health care decision maker and, if necessary or desired, an alternate health care decision maker or a health care power of attorney (POA) if your loved one is unable to make these decisions for themselves. It is a document that should reflect a larger conversation that has occurred between your loved one and their designated health care decision maker(s), not just some thing your loved one completes in solitude and tucks away for a later date. A common misconception, is that this needs to be completed with / by an attorney. While this is possible, it can be costly and is not necessary to get this paperwork completed. If done with an attorney, it is often completed with exclusion of the important dialogue that should be had between the designated health care decision maker and their loved one. Try to remember that these advance discussions can make the decision process much less burdensome / troubling for your family and your loved one. Previous discussions about healthcare wishes can bring peace and greater ease to very difficult and sometimes emotionally challenging times.

It is also important to note that a designated healthcare decision maker(s) is completely independent of any financial decision maker your loved one may have designated.

Some individuals can feel this is a “dark” conversation to have with their loved ones and tend to avoid any end of life discussions at all costs. Please try to remember that having your loved one share and discuss their final wishes for the type of treatment they may or may not want to receive as well as their wishes after their body death is a beautiful gift to those that are left behind. It can keep and facilitate peace between family members and can provide some comfort during a difficult, sometimes emotionally charged time. Your loved one has made these directions already, their healthcare decision maker is just carrying out their wishes, the ultimate final gift. 

With all that being said, there are two documents that can be helpful at end of life:

HOSPICE

Many falsely believe that hospice is a place where people go to die. In actuality, hospice is a service offered to those with a life limiting illness and a prognosis of six months or less. Hospice services can be offered in a healthcare facility or at home. Hospice focuses on the care, comfort and quality of life of seriously ill patients as well as family support during this challenging time.

Research has shown that individuals tend to live longer and with a significantly better quality of life with hospice services than those that opt for continuing / ongoing treatment. Hospice services can support an individual to stay in the home and pass in the home, if this is desired. For a myriad of reasons, most individuals that are hospice appropriate do not utilize hospice services early enough and deny themselves and their family the valuable mental, emotional, and spiritual support that is provided with hospice enrollment.

HELPFUL PEARLS

Families find it helpful to have a designated spokesperson who will be the point of contact for other family members. Having one spokesperson for the family, especially larger families, can help to alleviate endless phone calls. While the outpouring of interest and inquiry are meant to be supportive, they can be exhausting for the primary caregiver(s).

Some find it helpful to make a list of phone numbers of family and friends to whom you will want to call and communicate your loved one’s condition. A phone tree is helpful so that one person does not have the responsibility of calling every family member and friend during this challenging time. Be mindful, that while group texting is efficient and common place these days, the continued and likely endless back and forth can be anxiety producing and exhausting. Find what works for your ‘ohana (family).