Adults often underestimate the need to inform a child of the loss of a loved one. Instinctually, adults try to protect the child from hurting, so they avoid giving the child explanations of the loss of their loved one.

Talk in a quiet place, keep the conversation simple, and allow the child to ask questions and talk about their feelings.

Answer questions honestly and in a simple and direct way. Children can often tell when adults are not telling them the truth or all the information. Children as young as 2-3 years old can sense the impact of the loss of a loved one.

Allow the child to have their feelings and equally share your feelings with them in a manner they can understand.

Answer only what the child asks. To understand what the child may be asking, refer the question back to them. For example, a child may ask, “Where is Grandma going?” You might respond by saying, “Where do you think Grandma is going?” If the child says that she is going to see God or she is going to heaven, you will have a better understanding of what the child is thinking and avoid a long conversation about the burial and funeral. Talk about things the child has experienced or noticed already. 

Avoid using standard, but sometimes confusing death explanations such as “gone away”, “sleeping”, “passed away”, “left us”, or “gone on a trip”. Instead say what you mean: “dying”, “dead” or “stopped breathing”. Most children are already familiar with the word “dead”.

If the child will be seeing the body, prepare the child for what they can expect upon viewing the body. “The body will be cold to touch. The color may be different. Grandma may not look the same.” If the child has not had an opportunity to view the body in the hospital or home, there may also be another opportunity for visitation at the funeral home where the body of your loved one may look a little different. It is okay if the child chooses not to view the body. Talk to your child about attending the funeral. Many children report feeling angry, sad or frustrated that they were not allowed to be at the funeral. If deemed appropriate, participating in the family goodbye can be an emotionally healthy experience for a child.

Young children may not understand that death is permanent, so don’t be surprised if they ask when their loved one is coming back. Gently reinforce that their loved one won’t be coming back, but suggest that you can look at pictures instead.